We’ve all experienced it: a relationship seems to be going perfectly, and you’re ready for a long-term commitment, and then something goes wrong. A big mistake is made, and suddenly there’s no turning back. Once something goes awry, it can be really tough to pull things back together, especially if the trust between you has been broken. Avoid these huge relationship mistakes if you want this one to last.
- The ex-obsession. Dragging an old relationship into your new one rarely ends well. If you’re still not over your ex, then it may be too soon to make any major commitments in a new relationship. Keep it casual until you’re sure that you’re not bringing a whole load of emotional baggage along with you. When the time comes and feels confident that you’re ready to move on, make sure it’s clear to your new partner. Get to erase any physical memories of the past relationship, do away with any idea that things may still work out with your ex, and get ready to put the past firmly behind you.
- Dealing with anger with passive aggression instead of talking it out. This is a common mistake that’s easy to make if you’re not great at communicating your emotions to others. If your partner does something that bugs you or really makes you angry, make sure you speak up in a calm, rational way, so they know what’s going on. Don’t simmer with silent resentment and then refuse to talk about why you’re acting strange. It’s not fair, and it won’t get the problem solved any faster.
Getting sucked into your phone. If you spend the day at work and then spend your evenings together staring at your separate phone screens, that may be a sign that something isn’t right. Being physically in the same room doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re spending quality time together, and you may end up creating an emotional distance that’s tough to repair. Commit to put the phones away and connect face to face if you want to keep that intimacy going past the honeymoon stage.
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Escalating an argument in anger. This is something we’ve probably all done once, and it’s a tough habit to break. When you’re angry and get into an argument with your partner, you need to know when it’s time to call a time out and get some space. You may find that a few minutes of breathing and calming down gives you a new perspective on the situation. Continuing to escalate the shouting and fighting will only cause the situation to get worse. Think less about winning and more about being mature and composed.
Keeping big secrets. Let’s be clear – sometimes it’s tough to talk about certain things, like tattoos. It’s completely fair to have boundaries and keep some things to yourself until you feel comfortable enough to share them. However, if you’re in a long-term relationship and still have major secrets you hide from your partner, this could be a red flag that there are trust issues at play. Consider what’s stopping you from sharing this particular thing with them, whether or not you truly trust this person, and what the outcome of finally letting it out could be.