We’ve all experienced it: a relationship seems to be going perfectly, and you’re ready for a long-term commitment, and then something goes wrong. A big mistake is made, and suddenly, there’s no turning back. Once something goes awry, it can be tough to pull things back together, especially if your trust has been broken. Avoid these huge relationship mistakes if you want this one to last.
- The ex-obsession. Dragging an old relationship into your new one rarely ends well. If you’re still not over your ex, making any major commitments in a new relationship may be too soon. Keep it casual until you’re sure you’re not bringing a whole load of emotional baggage. When the time comes, and you feel confident that you’re ready to move on, make sure it’s clear to your new partner. Get to erase any physical memories of the past relationship, do away with any idea that things may still work out with your ex, and get ready to put the past firmly behind you.
- Dealing with anger with passive aggression instead of talking it out. This common mistake is easy to make if you’re not great at communicating your emotions to others. If your partner does something that bugs you or makes you angry, make sure you speak up calmly and rationally so they know what’s going on. Don’t simmer with silent resentment and refuse to talk about why you’re acting strange. It’s unfair and won’t get the problem solved any faster.
Getting sucked into your phone. If you spend the day at work and then spend your evenings together staring at your separate phone screens, that may be a sign that something isn’t right. Being physically in the same room doesn’t necessarily mean you’re spending quality time together, and you may create an emotional distance that’s tough to repair. Commit to putting the phones away and connecting face-to-face if you want to keep that intimacy past the honeymoon stage.
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Escalating an argument in anger. We’ve probably all done this once, and it’s a tough habit to break. When you’re angry and argue with your partner, you need to know when it’s time to call a time-out and get some space. You may find that a few minutes of breathing and calming down gives you a new perspective. Continuing to escalate the shouting and fighting will only cause the situation to get worse. Think less about winning and more about being mature and composed.
Keeping big secrets. Let’s be clear – sometimes it’s tough to talk about certain things, like tattoos. It’s completely fair to have boundaries and keep some things to yourself until you feel comfortable sharing them. However, if you’re in a long-term relationship and still have major secrets you hide from your partner, this could be a red flag that there are trust issues at play. Consider what’s stopping you from sharing this particular thing with them, whether or not you truly trust this person, and what the outcome of finally letting it out could be.